Another Anniversary

Following closely in the footsteps of my wedding anniversary is the first anniversary of my Dad's death. His collapse actually occured on my anniversary, but it was Dec. 30 when the life support machines were turned off. I can't believe it's been a year already. I know my Mum, who is still staying with us here in Zurich, my sister Lindsay and one of my brothers, Martin, will be reliving that day in their minds: the hours in the hospital, the waiting, the eventual decision to turn off the machines... I was blissfully unaware of all that and of course I feel bad that I wasn't there with them, enduring it with them and saying goodbye to Dad.

It's weird, but the night that my Mum called to tell me Dad had had the heart attack, I was awake. It was just about 2 the morning and something had woken me up, before she even called. I like to think I knew something was happening. And then last night, I had a really hard time falling asleep and was really restless. At 2 AM again, something woke me. Dad's spirit perhaps? Mum and I have been doing lots of walking while she's been here and have both been sleeping like logs, but last night both of us couldn't sleep.

I'm going to go light the candle I have by my Dad's picture. I always have a scented candle there and we call it "Grandpa's candle." He's got a chocolate-scented one at the moment.

I miss you, Dad.